No matter how much your partner criticizes or complains about his or her extended family, don’t chime in. If you do, your partner will turn on you like a wolf foaming at the mouth. We can’t help it. Its our nature to defend our blood kin. Must be some kind of evolutionary thing for safety. Better to wait for another time to tactfully complain about a particular behavior to the person who bothers you. That way you keep your partner out of a nasty triangle which cannot do your relationships any good at all.
Copyright 2008 by Psychscribe
Tags: relationship advice
Psychscribe 
February 19, 2008 at 5:59 pm
OH YEH! That is textbook 101…
I think one of the crappy things about getting married is that suddenly you are thrust into a family and you dont know the rules of play. You have no idea of the history involved, the soft spots of each player etc. It can get so ugly….
February 19, 2008 at 9:49 pm
hmmm…me and my partner have no problem talking about difficult members of the family on both sides. We do chime in so to speak—but it generally feels supportive. We both have very difficult families of origin and I think it’s been quite a bonding experience to be able to hear the other validate how terrible one of our siblings or fathers can be or how awful they were when we were growing up.
On the other hand we can both help the other see the better qualities of those people as well.
February 20, 2008 at 4:13 am
giannakali: well you and your partner have gotten to a really good place. Good for you! Psych
February 21, 2008 at 1:37 pm
How true, Psych!
How much ever I criticise some members of my family, I really can´t stand it when somebody else agrees with me!!! This is quite funny, somehow… and not always easy to handle.