Posts Tagged ‘sisters’

When I am Happiest

March 16, 2009


I’m happiest when I’m creating. I am totally present. It feels like God flows right through me. Peace and energy simultaneously! What could be better than that??? Pure joy! I honestly feel that both physical and spiritual healing continue to take place in me, the more I allow my creativity free reign. Poetry, jewelry designs, decoupage, photography- all of it. I’m working on a new jewelry design which i will show you later. I went to take photos of what i’ve done to show you guys but my battery was dead on my new camera ūüė¶

Anyway, just thought I’d share a happy mood for a change. ¬†By the way, the photo is not me but my sister and dearest friend, who shares my joy as described here…she’s an incredible mixed media artist so we are starting a business together. God I love her.


Therapist! Practice What You Preach!

June 23, 2008

What a weekend! Major issues with my sister that grew into a full blown cat fight in the middle of a restaurant, with both our husbands ducking for cover. I kid you not. She even flung a napkin or something that ended up at another table, much to the delight of those patrons…it had to do with all kinds of chick stuff the grist of which fuels the book and film industry not to mention Lifetime Channel… Anyway I write this as a fairly anonymous confession…we ¬†therapists preach non-reactivity but even we lose it sometimes!!!!

My Sister’s Accident

May 1, 2008

I’m realizing how totally self absorbed I’ve been since my stroke and lupus diagnosis… not to mention last week in the hospital. ¬† I’ve become accustomed to my family worrying about me, doting on me, and frankly I’ve been eating it up like a starving little girl… For too long it was the other way around. My family role was caretaker and honestly once I got sick and had to accept some emotional care taking I’ve thought, “Well, this part isn’t so bad!”

My only sister has become my dearest friend, support and nurturer thru all this. She’s four years younger, ¬†but she has somehow morphed into¬†my big sister and I’ve thought of her as indestructible. Also, for the first time since¬†we were children, we live close¬†enough to be in¬†and out of each others¬†“rooms”….¬†around the corner from each other….so nice….

Last night she was in a car accident. The car was totaled. Emergency people said they thought she could’ve died when they arrived and saw the vehicle. ¬†She escaped with a fractured wrist in one hand and a burn on her other hand. Even in the ER she was protecting me…wouldn’t let her husband call me because she was afraid I’d get too upset!

This afternoon I spent the day with her. She was so upbeat and grateful to be alive. It was difficult for her to allow me to do simple things like make us our tea or fetch anything she needed.  

She was so upbeat and grateful to be alive that I found myself mirroring her, and not saying what I really wanted to: I love you Sis with all my heart, and I sooooo appreciate you, and I can’t even imagine how I could handle it if things had turned out differently. ¬†I need you in my life, not just for nurturing me but just for you : your goofy sense of humor, your intelligence, our shared childhood history, ¬†your eccentricity, your love of God, your creativity, your kindness and generosity, the way we laugh together!

Anyway, Pinhead, this is what I really wanted to say today as we both walked around acting like nothing serious had happened… ¬†but it did. Your life was spared and I felt (not just knew) how very important you are to me in my heart and soul.


P.S. Sometimes All You Can do is All You Can Do

January 5, 2008

The epiphany I just had upon re-reading the previous post is this: since¬†children learn and internalize ¬†everything from¬†their ¬†parents about life, values , relationships etc., it makes sense that I would not have placed any value on my little brother.¬† After all, if my hero dad thought so little of him, why would I think any differently? How very, very sad…

Sometimes All You Can Do is All You Can Do

January 4, 2008

I’m thinking here about the siblings issues we’ve talked about.¬† I asked about yours….let me tell you about mine. I have a brother who doesn’t speak to me or our sister. He simply wants nothing to do with us.¬† There was no big argument that set it off.¬† He just has issues…(I’m a therapist, how can I not¬† think this way?). His childhood basically sucked. Our father criticized him relentlessly,¬† and favored his girls. Lavished his girls. With love, affection, and material things.¬† I basked in my father’s attention, and had no time or interest in my brother, 6 years younger than I.¬† I have no happy memories of him at all and I’m sure its the same for him…he was just the pain in the butt little brother…

It never grew to more than that….Then¬† my father died when we were young adults and¬†¬†my brother began to drift even further away…literally across the country…meanwhile I got older, and sick, and began to belatedly appreciate the importance of family. I tried reaching out to him so many times…verbally, letters, sending photos of his neice and nephew who he has no interest in….but it was too late. He told someone that he really just has nothing in common with me…At first I thought that was ridiculous ! Nothing in common? We had the same parents! We grew up together.

But then I thought about it some more and realized that wasn’t true at all. We did not grow up together. We never connected or bonded. We experienced our childhoods and our parents entirely differently.¬† Too late, I grieve for the relationshp I could have fostered with my little brother. I envy women with brothers now. I am so pleased that my son and daughter are so close.¬† I grieve for what never was with my brother, and also for what never will be. He just doesn’t want it.¬† So as much as I yearn for it as a woman, and believe in it as a therapist, the reality is we can’t always mend relationships. Or in this case, start one. Sometimes all you can do…is all you can do…