Posts Tagged ‘friends’

A True Confession About Friends

May 20, 2009

TwoWomen_1914

Artist: Diego Rivera

 

As I get older, I’m becoming more and more of a loner.  That is to say, I prefer my own company to the company of others. Given the choice of a visit with a friend, or reading or writing or creating, I will always choose the latter.  I’m going to say what is true for me, even though it sounds awful. After about a half hour visit, I get bored. Yes. I get bored. Because my mind drifts away to my interior landscape from which my creativity springs, and I want to get back to it. To whatever medium I’m working in. I don’t want to listen very long to  somebody’s daily travails or about their their kids or daily lives.  I feel trapped,  a captive audience.  Phone calls are the same for me. Maybe even worse. Because they have to be returned if I want to have any friends at all.

So why do I want them, you may be asking yourself.  Well…because I love them! And I care about them. And when the chips are down, they’re there for me and I’m there for them.  I think maybe  its just that in this fifth decade of my life, my identity is morphing into an artist and I have no patience for daily minutiae.

Also, the more I think about it, a man would never even write this post or have these thoughts. Men don’t chat about their daily lives. Most of the ones I know are very much bottom line kinds of people. Phone calls serve a function, as in : where are we going and what time are we meeting? Men do things together. Women seem to talk about things more. …A cultural thing, I guess.

 How could Psychscribe admit to such mean thoughts? Because it is my truth. Does this sound really awful?

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Make New Friends But…

February 12, 2009

 

 

 

 

“Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold.”  

I’m finding I don’t agree with that old saying.  Some of my old friends have disappointed me terribly in regard to my health issues. No support at all.  Not even polite questions about how I’m doing.  If I mention I’ve been having a hard time, they respond as if I mention the weather has really been getting to me. Yet my blog friends are here for me all the time, express genuine concern, and check in with me to see if I’m OK when I’ve been quiet for a while. 

So for me, new friends are the gold ones. Thank you, each and every one of you.

Awesome Friends

August 1, 2008

Copyright Jupiter Images 2008

You guys have been unbelievable. You just hang in there and continue to send me cyber-hugs and love and light and support and I appreciate all of you so much for that. Just want you to know I’m feeling a lot better, physically and emotionally – just really busy now with my daughter’s wedding stuff and my new passion – learning to make jewelry and doing stained glass.  I’m sorry I’m not finding time to read your blogs, because I miss it, but I”ll be back 🙂

Do you think its ok to outgrow friends?

February 26, 2008

I see  so many women in their 20’s and 30’s struggling with the time management of  careers, relationships, friends  and family. And so often when we look at their stress, it becomes apparent that they are spending  what little free time they do have with people  they no longer have anything in common except fond memories of the past. 

Often there is conflict between the friends. One may want more frequency in the time spent together.  Or they have chosen to follow very different paths in life and can no longer understand where the other is coming  from….or where she’s going…  And I can see that way too much negative energy is going into this relationship.

It reminds me of an old saying, or was it a song, that “its better to part while we’re still friends”.   I do believe that sometimes friends do need to break up, sometimes for a while, sometimes permanently…..  What do you think?

How Do You Define Forgiveness?

November 30, 2007

 An awful lot of people say things like, “That’s ok ….what you did….its alright. I forgive you.” Think about it. How often do you hear someone profusely apologizing, and the other person saying “No,  that’s ok! Don’t worry about it!”  The injured party is actually trying to make the person who hurt them feel better!   Actually, most of the time, its not alright. It could be something as trivial as someone stepping on your toe – that’s not alright. It hurts! Or someone accidentally spilling coffee on  your white shirt.   That’s not alright.   It burns AND ruins your clothing.

It is not ok to hurt someone intentionally or otherwise. (Bear with me please, I will get to my definition of forgiveness in a minute.) This becomes an important concept in my work with couples. Or adult children of alcoholic/abusive/fill-in-the blanks damaging parents.  I do believe forgiveness is neccessary in a wounded relationship in order for any healing and growth to take place . But to say or mean it as I’ve described it actually minimizes the painful behavior by implying, in essence, that it wasn’t that bad (when it was).  It also minimizes the very person doing the forgiving.

A better concept, I think, is this: When hurtful behavior has occurred, an emotional debt is owed. Just ask anyone you know who has gone for months, years,  resentful of wrongdoing by a loved one.   They’ll tell you how much they are owed. They will also tell you how impossible it would be for the person who hurt them to pay them back.  And they are right. By now the emotional debt is probably higher than the gross national debt. Forgiveness in my mind is being willing to write off that debt and start over. When you say “I forgive you” its about wiping the slate clean,  accepting the apology and remorse of the  person as they are now, having renwewed faith in the person, and moving forward.  It means you’ve processed the hurt,  felt the emotions, and started healing. These words should not be said prematurely in an anxious attempt to make things better because to do so will make things worse.