True intimacy is achieved when you feel safe enough to be emotionally naked with your partner. You know your partner will not try to talk you out of your authentic feelings, will not say you’re “over-reacting”, will not try to fix it, and will not ignore you. You know you will be supported and validated no matter what you’re feeling and sharing, verbally or otherwise. You know you will receive empathy.This is love, pure and simple…
Archive for the ‘weddings’ Category
Oh, what a wedding it was! Everything and more than we’d dreamed of since she was five, when I caught her in our yard literally kissing frogs because, “I have to find my prince, Mommy.” She apparently squeezed one frog so ardently that she frantically presented it to me because she…well….she couldn’t wake it up.
I raised my princess to be strong, assertive, and independent. She did not need Prince Charming to save her or rescue her, but she did find a Prince Charming who is fairy tale handsome, protective, nurturing, kind, strong, gentle, and generous. (And yes, also an alpha male!)
Oh, what beautiful babies they will make!
They’re twenty eight, have been together for seven years, and lived together for the past two. So her new husband already felt like family, it seemed to me. Yet witnessing for them as they signed their marriage license, and watching them go through the ritual in the church, somehow made me love him differently. Because now he IS family. He will be the father of my grandchildren. He will take care of me when I’m old, if I should need it. He’s that kind of man, a good man. And so is his family. Our tiny family, long since dwindled from what it once was, has somehow been blessed with in-laws who have already absorbed us into their tribe. We have long yearned for this void to be filled.
They looked gorgeous. They looked madly in love, even after all this time. They never left each other’s side but ate and danced and laughed the night away. Their song was “I Could Not Ask for More” by Ed McCain. But I found this one on YouTube sung by a female vocalist, with video clips from The Notebook, my daughter’s and my all time favorite romantic movie. The lovers here remind me of my new newlyweds:
I truly could not ask for more.
Yup, that’s been my title for the past year or so, since we began planning my daughter’s wedding. We’ve been planning the fairy tale since she was a little girl, and so excited to get started once she got engaged. Also, for the past year, my lupus has been getting worse. More work obligations cancelled. More social plans cancelled. More pain. More bed. I cannot make any commitments. Everything is tentative. Living a tentative life is stressful, and stress makes lupus worse.
We are coming down the wire here and I only pray that I will get a remission in time for the September wedding. I’ve already had to disappoint her, and me, by canceling some plans with her. It looks like today will be another one, since I’m in a lot of pain though fighting it. We are supposed to go for her first bridal fitting, and also to a make up trial. This is supposed to be a fun thing that moms and daughters do together. I feel so terrible, terrible, terrible to have to disappoint her (and me) again.
I try to tell myself its all in my mind, but its not. Its in my bones and in my foggy brain. Yesterday, I had to ask my sister to drive me to the pharmacy and to the lab for a blood draw. I NEVER ask people for help…yet today I am actually considering driving up to my daughter’s to do what we had planned. I simply cannot bear to disappoint her…
But then I think, I almost died four years ago when I had my stroke. And I think, one of her oldest friends lost her mother to cancer just two months before the wedding. Can you imagine how sad that was? So then I think, we’re fortunate that I’m alive and able to share the wedding experience with her, albeit at a distance. And as my father used to say, you have to roll with the punches….
So here’s the question facing anyone planning a wedding…..is it ok to invite only the people you have a personal relationship with? Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Not really, as I am finding out as we plan my daughter’s wedding. We have a large, extended, third generation Italian family with many cousins. So does the groom. We also have a certain number of guests we contracted for with the reception place, based upon what we can afford. So, call me crazy but it would seem to me that the people we want there should be there, rather than according to the politically correct, family dysfunctional hierarchy. There are cousins we are close to and cousins we barely know. Sometime even within the same nuclear family. Yet the attitude within the family seems to be, “You invite all of us or none of us”. (Picture this pronouncement coming from Marie Barone, the mother on Everybody Loves Raymond ) And the looming threat, if we do it our way, is that offended parties cut us off for who knows how long. (See my previous post “You’re Dead to Me”)
Since my daughter and I are both therapists, we are opting for clinically correct rather than what’s politically corect in this family. Meaning that we’re not going to buy into the family dysfunction…but neither choice feels particularly good….Has anyone else been through this, and how have you handled it?