Its Mother’s Day here in the USA. I’m a mother home very sick with a lupus complicated drug reaction. Since this is Lupus Awareness Month, I hope to blog something every day about lupus in order to increase awareness. If you want to help me, please share the info and links on your blogs. If you are a woman, or love someone who is, you really need to know more about the effects of this devastating disease:
Archive for the ‘sisters’ Category
I’m happiest when I’m creating. I am totally present. It feels like God flows right through me. Peace and energy simultaneously! What could be better than that??? Pure joy! I honestly feel that both physical and spiritual healing continue to take place in me, the more I allow my creativity free reign. Poetry, jewelry designs, decoupage, photography- all of it. I’m working on a new jewelry design which i will show you later. I went to take photos of what i’ve done to show you guys but my battery was dead on my new camera 😦
Anyway, just thought I’d share a happy mood for a change. By the way, the photo is not me but my sister and dearest friend, who shares my joy as described here…she’s an incredible mixed media artist so we are starting a business together. God I love her.
In addition to the blues I’ve been experiencing lately, I also am feeling physically worse as I’ve been tapering down my prednisone. So though I did go to work yesterday, I had cancelled my attendance at bible study at my sister’s because I knew that by the time I got home at around 8 pm all I’d want to do is crawl into bed. There was no way I was up to going.
But Got had other plans for me. I was almost home after sitting for an extra hour in traffic, when I heard something in a novel I was listening to in the car. I identified with the character, who was having a badly needed spiritual experience, and suddenly felt a powerful longing to feel the presence of God.
My sister and I live very close to each other. There is a fork in the road in which her house is in one direction and mine in the other. As soon as I felt that longing for God, I no longer noticed my aches and pains and without hesitation called my husband to tell him I was going to bible study after all, and called my sister to say I would be there any minute. I was right at that fork.
When I arrived my sister was radiant. She had been praying, literally, “Lord, when my sister reaches that fork in the road, please help her to feel better, and make her turn left toward my house tonight.”
I don’t know why God wanted me there so much, but I do know that the chances of this being a coincidence were statistically ridiculous. And I did get to feel the presence of God and the Holy Spirit last night, we all did. It happened when a tormented client I have suddenly came to mind, and we prayed with all our hearts for a psychological and spiritual healing for her.
God works in strange ways.
What a weekend! Major issues with my sister that grew into a full blown cat fight in the middle of a restaurant, with both our husbands ducking for cover. I kid you not. She even flung a napkin or something that ended up at another table, much to the delight of those patrons…it had to do with all kinds of chick stuff the grist of which fuels the book and film industry not to mention Lifetime Channel… Anyway I write this as a fairly anonymous confession…we therapists preach non-reactivity but even we lose it sometimes!!!!
I’m realizing how totally self absorbed I’ve been since my stroke and lupus diagnosis… not to mention last week in the hospital. I’ve become accustomed to my family worrying about me, doting on me, and frankly I’ve been eating it up like a starving little girl… For too long it was the other way around. My family role was caretaker and honestly once I got sick and had to accept some emotional care taking I’ve thought, “Well, this part isn’t so bad!”
My only sister has become my dearest friend, support and nurturer thru all this. She’s four years younger, but she has somehow morphed into my big sister and I’ve thought of her as indestructible. Also, for the first time since we were children, we live close enough to be in and out of each others “rooms”…. around the corner from each other….so nice….
Last night she was in a car accident. The car was totaled. Emergency people said they thought she could’ve died when they arrived and saw the vehicle. She escaped with a fractured wrist in one hand and a burn on her other hand. Even in the ER she was protecting me…wouldn’t let her husband call me because she was afraid I’d get too upset!
This afternoon I spent the day with her. She was so upbeat and grateful to be alive. It was difficult for her to allow me to do simple things like make us our tea or fetch anything she needed.
She was so upbeat and grateful to be alive that I found myself mirroring her, and not saying what I really wanted to: I love you Sis with all my heart, and I sooooo appreciate you, and I can’t even imagine how I could handle it if things had turned out differently. I need you in my life, not just for nurturing me but just for you : your goofy sense of humor, your intelligence, our shared childhood history, your eccentricity, your love of God, your creativity, your kindness and generosity, the way we laugh together!
Anyway, Pinhead, this is what I really wanted to say today as we both walked around acting like nothing serious had happened… but it did. Your life was spared and I felt (not just knew) how very important you are to me in my heart and soul.