Archive for the ‘domestic violence’ Category

OJ Didn’t Mean It

December 10, 2008

Yeah right. The judge in this case is on record as saying that she’s not here for paybacks…But from a non legalese standpoint, paybacks are a bitch. ūüôā

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Jennifer Hudson “Domestic Issues”

October 25, 2008

By now we all know that Jennifer Hudson’s mother and brother were recently murdered. The media, noting that there is a male suspect, ¬†reports a history of¬†“domestic issues”.¬†

That phrase, or its twin “domestic dispute” is a ¬†terribly ¬†insidious euphemism. It suggests an issue or dispute over who left the socks on the floor or disagreements over household operations. When you hear it often enough in the news, the real meaning becomes so diluted that its impact upon society ¬†becomes diluted.

For purposes of my post this morning, let me give you the exact definition I found at good old dictionary.com: 

euphemism – the substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh, or blunt.

Of course domestic violence is what’s really being substituted here. ¬†Bland domestic disputes don’t result in a woman calling the police for help. Bland domestic disputes don’t invoke public outrage or action. ¬†I worked for two years in an agency for battered women. Speaking from first hand experience, here are what “domestic disputes” and “domestic issues” look like. And yes, these images are offensive, harsh, and blunt. ¬†Just like the domestic violence that was committed against women such as these.¬†

 

One out of every four women is assaulted by an intimate partner every day. We need more public awareness, education, advocacy and funds to help a cause much closer to home than we might think. Domestic violence crosses all socioeconomic lines. ¬†It could happen to you, your sister, your mother, your daughter. It’s about time the legal system stopped protecting the public from¬†offensive, harsh reality and started protecting the victims of the offensive, harsh reality.
If you need help, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
        

Psychscribe Quote # 42

October 1, 2008

 

 

“No one is more arrogant toward women, more aggressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious about his virility.” Simone de Beauvoir

Psychscribe Quote #40

August 12, 2008

MARGARET SANGER:

“A free race cannot be born of slave mothers.”

Abuse & Disease: A New Spin

July 1, 2008

Chronic illness feels like an abusive relationship. I should know, I was in one. 

I only just made this analogy ¬†yesterday. A friend was talking about a controlling relationship which her daughter, M., ¬†is stuck with until M.’s child turns 18. Every time she gets thru one crisis with the father of her child, who feeds on her angst like a shark feeds on a flailing, tasty human, calm returns and for a while she feels some semblance of normalcy. ¬†

She goes on living as if no further emotional assault will occur, and is truly re-traumatized each and every time. ¬†How could this be happening again????…..the raging powerlessness I know she feels as he uses their child as a pawn between them, a pawn in a game she cannot win.

She will not use Solomon’s sword. He would.

Jump back to me, stuck in bed again¬†with my lupus flare. Like it or not, stuck with it. My body, my life, my work, my marriage, ¬†my family – ¬†all affected by this nasty disease. Assaulted by it. ¬†And I feel powerless, and furious…. so furious…. ¬†a ¬†raging powerlessness in a fight I cannot win. A fight which will probably kill me. An abusive relationship doesn’t get much worse than that.

And then I feel better again, a semblance of normalcy is restored (key word semblance) , until the next assault by the disease.  At which point I feel shocked and traumatized that the flare has flattened me again.  Just like M. feels. 

There’s nothing we can do about it, right?¬†

Wrong, actually. I heard myself advising M.’s mom that M. needs to accept that it is what it is. He will never change. His tactics will never change. I would imagine any boxer would tell you its the punch they didn’t see coming that knocked them out. ¬†So…umm…when are M. and I going to admit to ourselves that she had a child with a power and control freak, and I have a very serious medical condition which does not go away just because I get remissions?¬†

What we both need to do is to see it coming, know its coming, but accept the breaks in between with ¬†the grace, ¬†joy and ¬†wisdom to appreciate the present. ¬†When you know its coming you can have a back up plan. For her it might be disengaging from his game and gathering ¬†the support she needs. Not to detail her victimization but to go out with her friends for a good time, ¬†or treat herself to a day at the spa. It won’t change a blessed thing about the situation, but regardless of whether she suffers or pampers herself while he does his thing- nothing else will change. So since it is what it is, I vote for pampering at such times. Nurturing herself rather than berate herself because she can’t win.

So, as is often the case, in giving my friend advice I gave it to myself. I stopped fighting this flare today and accepted the reality that I need to take a week off from work even though ¬†I HATE canceling clients. I decided to take advantage of the abusive (insert your favorite curse word here) lupus and treat myself. I mean, just because I can’t go to work doesn’t mean I can’t work on my hobbies which I never have enough time for. ¬†I can decoupage, make jewelry, plan craft projects, read, watch movies, all from the comfort of my nice snuggy bed. ¬†It won’t change anything, but…to tell you the truth… I am actually looking forward to my week off now…¬†

It is what it is. ¬†ūüėČ

 

 

Flickr banned from my blog

June 24, 2008

I had it on here because I thought that random photos appearing on my blog would add an element of interest. ¬†And until today it did. But I just saw one that is truly evil looking – a black and white photo of a woman with what appears to be a plastic bag over her face. That’s not art, in my blog. Its objectification of women to the degree of horror.

Slime Helped OJ Get Away With Murder

May 10, 2008

I will not even dignify the slime by writing his name here, or help him by promoting his book. I’m sure you noticed all the news hoopla about the tell all book. He reports that weeks after the arrest Simpson, high on drugs and alcohol, confessed to killing Nicole and Ron Goldman. ¬†He confesses to helping Simpson get away with murder by advising him not to take his arthritis medication so his hands would swell and the glove wouldn’t fit- a key factor in the acquittal.

I don’t know the law, but it just feels like this guy should get in trouble for something.¬†

I remember being so shocked when I watched the not guilty verdict live that I screamed no! and threw something at the TV. Such a travesty of justice. Worse yet, my daughter was in high school at the time, and they were watching it in class. She said the boys cheered at the verdict.

I’ve always wondered what the kids grew up believing.

Did this news story trigger anyone else like it did me?

Psychscribe Quote #31

April 29, 2008

“Sometimes you don’t realize how miserable you were until you’re not anymore.”¬†¬†Dorothea Benton Frank from her novel Shem Creek.

 

Polygamist Abuse

April 18, 2008

Ok, ok, I know there is no proof yet, no evidence, but I read Carol Jessup’s book “Escape” and I believed it.¬†The horrors she describes of beatings and sexual abuse of children, of women and children basically being slaves to the men due to¬†God supposedly speaking thru their leader,¬†were believable and sickening.¬† Women and children removed from a man with¬†no power or clout in the community,¬†being “re-assigned” to a different man,¬†¬†who would then become the new husband and father. Pubescent girls being married and forced into sex with men old enough to be their grandfathers…The favorite wife abusing¬† the other wives, and the children of those wives, ¬†with full authority of the husband. And the only way to attain power and status in the family and the community was for a girl/woman to force herself to entice the man who revolted her into sharing her bed as often as possible….thus rising in the ranks to the favored, alpha female position…

So this is their culture, this is all they know, and here is the controversy…how¬†can you take children from their mothers (we don’t have to worry about attachment in the musical chairs daddy game) in a situation like this?

How can you NOT?

 

Psychscribe Quote #24

March 18, 2008

“Perhaps strength doesn’t reside in having never been broken, but in the courage required to grow strong in the broken places.” Author Unknown

Animal Abuse & Domestic Violence

March 7, 2008

Read here about why it matters. The statistics are sobering.

http://www.americanhumane.org/site/DocServer/NCADV_DV_Fact_Sheet.pdf?docID=5621

End Domestic Violence

March 7, 2008

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