When Mother of the Bride is Ill

Yup, that’s been my title for the past year or so, since we began planning my daughter’s wedding. We’ve been planning the fairy tale since she was a little girl, and so excited to get started once she got engaged. Also, for the past year, my lupus has been getting worse. More work obligations cancelled. More social plans cancelled. More pain. More bed.  I cannot make any commitments. Everything is tentative. Living a tentative life is stressful, and stress makes lupus worse.

We are coming down the wire here and I only pray that I will get a remission in time for the September wedding.  I’ve already had to disappoint her, and me, by  canceling some plans with her. It looks like today will be another one, since I’m in a lot of pain though fighting it. We are supposed to go for her first bridal fitting, and also to a make up trial. This is supposed to be a fun  thing that moms and daughters do together.  I feel so terrible, terrible, terrible to have to disappoint her (and me) again.

I try to tell myself its all in my mind, but its not. Its in my bones and in my foggy brain. Yesterday, I had to ask my sister to drive me to the pharmacy and to the lab for a blood draw. I NEVER ask people for help…yet today I am actually considering driving up to my daughter’s to do what we had planned. I simply cannot bear to disappoint her…

But then I think, I almost died four years ago when I had my stroke. And  I think, one of her oldest friends lost her mother to cancer just two months before the wedding. Can you imagine how sad that was? So then I think, we’re fortunate that I’m alive and able to share the wedding experience with her, albeit at a distance.  And as my father used to say, you have to roll with the punches….


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6 Responses to “When Mother of the Bride is Ill”

  1. SanityFound Says:

    I am totally unqualified to say much other than offer you my support and ears even if I am in South Africa. All I can really say is to follow your gut, if you think you can do it and your heart really wants to do it then do it for it. Be a rebel and fight it with all your might and when you can’t use your friends shoulders to lean on, we’re here for you.


  2. Amber Says:

    Sweetie, do you have adequate pain meds? I know that I can drug myself up through most things if I absolutely NEED to. If you don’t have drugs… you need to get them, even if that isn’t your first choice. What did you tell me with my godchild… DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN… JUST BE THERE. A good tip is mixing different types of pain meds for better effect. Ask your doctor.

  3. psychscribe Says:

    Thx guys – Amber, I do have adequate pain meds, but I cannot drive on them, and my daughter is over an hour away…anyway, as it turned out i stayed home and rested and feel better today, and her stepmom accompanied her, which was just fine. Thanks for the empathy and understanding, hugs to both of you.

  4. Miki Says:

    Hi, Coeur de Rose, I just wanted to say hello as we have been away for a long trip through Portugal and came back one week ago. I am so sorry to hear that you are not so well, it really hurts me personally, because even if the connection does not appear so much on the screen, it is there, innerly, and it is a lot!
    Big hugs from Kevin and me!

  5. chronicchick Says:

    Hope you get to feeling better soon, living with lupus I understand totally, cool blog by the way…


  6. cordieb Says:

    I’m praying you feel better soon. I can only listen; as I have never lived with chronic pain of the body. But from what I know of you; you’re a survivor and you will be able to roll with the punches. Still keeping you in thoughts and prayers. PLL, CordieB.

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