Message for Therapist from God

Hi All…well I’m home from the hospital and should be grateful to be alive…which I am…but I’m having a delayed reaction to the whole emergency experience. One minute you’re feeling as normal as anyone else (which you’re not, of course, no one is with a chronic potentially fatal disease like lupus)   the next minute you’re in an emergency room, delirious with fever while doctors fight to save your life. You’re vaguely aware of what’s going on, including the fear in your husband’s eyes, but mostly you just slip in and out of the the delirium. 

Stabilized, they find you a bed and you remain for five days till there is no fever and vital signs remain normal. Tests are performed from head to foot in order to discover the source of the infection, but it is never found. Nor could it be since they pumped me up with IV  antibiotics the minute I got to the emergency room.  One doctor told me later that I would have been dead within 24 hours had I not been given the antibiotics.

Maybe that last statement is what has really got me. How close I was to death. I’ve licked death beyond all odds several times in my life. About ten years ago I flipped my car over on black ice. It was completely crushed and I was hanging upside down. No one could believe I managed to extricate myself and crawl away from the crushed car before the emergency people arrived… but somehow I did. No one should have survived the stroke I had in 2004,  nor the Stevens Johnson Syndrome I developed after that, but I did.

Maybe what really has me is how many more times can I beat the odds? I am an at risk older female. All the time.  You feel so infantilized in the hospital. They are always  watching you, taking care of you. By the time you get out, it somehow feels scary to be an adult again. You kind of want to crawl back into the womb, even though you thought you wanted to get out. It was constrictive, but safe…

I wanted to go back to work this week, but I just can’t. Half of it is that my body is telling me I need to rest. But the other half is the post trauma effect I see in myself.  I have to help myself before I can help my patients. Yet then I feel like I’m abandoning them.

On the other hand, I had no idea how many caring friends and neighbors I have here in the community in which I live. We’re “weekenders” here so you never really feel like you belong. Yet flowers, people, sweets, cards and prayers just came pouring in. I was truly astounded and moved. Who knew?  

 So since I know that God is always trying to  teach me something, maybe this is what it is, the clue phone for the therapist, a message from God: ” You always teach your patients about the importance of a sense of connection to a supportive community. What makes you think you are any different? When are you going to realize that being a loner is lonely, even with a husband and kids?”

I’m getting it, God. I’m getting it. 

 

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9 Responses to “Message for Therapist from God”

  1. amberfireinus Says:

    Wow… a powerful lesson. I hope that you learn to reach out to others a bit more…and accept friendships where given.

  2. JustOrdinary Says:

    So glad that you are OK now Psyche. Let those around you help and take it easy when you need to. You can’t keep doing for everyone else and forgetting about yourself…I think you probably do that more then you should.

    I’m sure God knows you are getting it.

    JO

  3. SanityFound Says:

    😀 glad that the power of friendship and others love for you brought some light in a dark time, it is a powerful lesson one that we must always hold close. Good to have you back Mwah!

  4. Miki Says:

    Welcome home, Coeur de Rose! So happy that you are back, I was so frightened after I read your last entry…
    A great post, so human, so true, so touching, thanks for that.
    And yes, you have friends from which you perhaps don’t really know… 🙂
    Kevin and me wish you a better week now, and please, take care of you. your body, your heart and your soul…

  5. psychscribe Says:

    amberfireinus, JO, Sanity Found, & Miki and Kevin:
    thank you so muh for your caring, your advice, and your wisdom. Blessings and my deepest thx to all of you for caring so much..

    Sanity Found: What is Mwah?

  6. SanityFound Says:

    Means hugs & kisses 🙂

  7. Visionary Says:

    Hi sounds like your having a tough time of it at the moment. I’m sending you love to warm you and help speed your recovery.

    Oh by the way, we teach others what we need to learn. Teaching it is the best way to learn it 😉

  8. psychscribe Says:

    Hello Visionary, and welome to my site. How true, we teach others what we need to learn…do you have a blog?
    Thank you for all your warm and caring wishes.

  9. Visionary Says:

    You can find my small corner of the blogosphere at http://saveourspecies.wordpress.com. I would love to welcome you there when ever you can spare the time

    Love

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