Archive for April, 2008

Psychscribe Quote #31

April 29, 2008

“Sometimes you don’t realize how miserable you were until you’re not anymore.”  Dorothea Benton Frank from her novel Shem Creek.


Message for Therapist from God

April 27, 2008

Hi All…well I’m home from the hospital and should be grateful to be alive…which I am…but I’m having a delayed reaction to the whole emergency experience. One minute you’re feeling as normal as anyone else (which you’re not, of course, no one is with a chronic potentially fatal disease like lupus)   the next minute you’re in an emergency room, delirious with fever while doctors fight to save your life. You’re vaguely aware of what’s going on, including the fear in your husband’s eyes, but mostly you just slip in and out of the the delirium. 

Stabilized, they find you a bed and you remain for five days till there is no fever and vital signs remain normal. Tests are performed from head to foot in order to discover the source of the infection, but it is never found. Nor could it be since they pumped me up with IV  antibiotics the minute I got to the emergency room.  One doctor told me later that I would have been dead within 24 hours had I not been given the antibiotics.

Maybe that last statement is what has really got me. How close I was to death. I’ve licked death beyond all odds several times in my life. About ten years ago I flipped my car over on black ice. It was completely crushed and I was hanging upside down. No one could believe I managed to extricate myself and crawl away from the crushed car before the emergency people arrived… but somehow I did. No one should have survived the stroke I had in 2004,  nor the Stevens Johnson Syndrome I developed after that, but I did.

Maybe what really has me is how many more times can I beat the odds? I am an at risk older female. All the time.  You feel so infantilized in the hospital. They are always  watching you, taking care of you. By the time you get out, it somehow feels scary to be an adult again. You kind of want to crawl back into the womb, even though you thought you wanted to get out. It was constrictive, but safe…

I wanted to go back to work this week, but I just can’t. Half of it is that my body is telling me I need to rest. But the other half is the post trauma effect I see in myself.  I have to help myself before I can help my patients. Yet then I feel like I’m abandoning them.

On the other hand, I had no idea how many caring friends and neighbors I have here in the community in which I live. We’re “weekenders” here so you never really feel like you belong. Yet flowers, people, sweets, cards and prayers just came pouring in. I was truly astounded and moved. Who knew?  

 So since I know that God is always trying to  teach me something, maybe this is what it is, the clue phone for the therapist, a message from God: ” You always teach your patients about the importance of a sense of connection to a supportive community. What makes you think you are any different? When are you going to realize that being a loner is lonely, even with a husband and kids?”

I’m getting it, God. I’m getting it. 


Psychscribe Missing In Action

April 25, 2008

Just wanted to let you guys know that the reason there have been no posts is because I’ve been in the hospital.  It was a pretty harrowing experience. Sunday I was out at  wonderful family party with my husband, then in the middle of that night he had to take me to the hospital ER with a 104 temperature. I had to have a lumbar puncture (in my day called a spinal tap) to rule out meningitis. Luckily it was negative.  So now that they’ve determined it to be a virus ( which has  triggered a lupus flare -EVERYTHING TRIGGERS A LUPUS FLARE)  I should be able to go home tomorrow and catch up on my blog. So, talk to you soon… 

Psychscribe Quote #30

April 19, 2008

“Dying is less sad than having lived too little.” Gloria Steinem

Polygamist Abuse

April 18, 2008

Ok, ok, I know there is no proof yet, no evidence, but I read Carol Jessup’s book “Escape” and I believed it. The horrors she describes of beatings and sexual abuse of children, of women and children basically being slaves to the men due to God supposedly speaking thru their leader, were believable and sickening.  Women and children removed from a man with no power or clout in the community, being “re-assigned” to a different man,  who would then become the new husband and father. Pubescent girls being married and forced into sex with men old enough to be their grandfathers…The favorite wife abusing  the other wives, and the children of those wives,  with full authority of the husband. And the only way to attain power and status in the family and the community was for a girl/woman to force herself to entice the man who revolted her into sharing her bed as often as possible….thus rising in the ranks to the favored, alpha female position…

So this is their culture, this is all they know, and here is the controversy…how can you take children from their mothers (we don’t have to worry about attachment in the musical chairs daddy game) in a situation like this?

How can you NOT?


What is Your Earliest Memory?

April 17, 2008

Can you think way far your earliest memory? Is it a happy one, a sad one?  Who was there and what was happening? In what way did this memory imprint your brain, and affect the course of your life? 

 Whatever memory comes up for you was most certainly a defining moment…

Slow Suicide, Ladies?

April 16, 2008

Hurray for the French! They’ve proposed a bill banning those awful websites like ana and mia that teach women how to be successfully anorexic or bulimic. Proponents of the bill  say it would curb the awful prevalence of these psychiatric disorders. Opponents say it would have no impact. I say it would.

Cultural values spawn bigots, racists, sexists, and homophobics. It makes sense that the cultural worship of female emaciation as the norm spawns desperation in some women to live up to the sick standard of the fashion industry. And unfortunately the  female culture itself.  Imagine if we had a movement, and websites, which substituted the words “slow suicide” as a means of attaining physical beauty?

The culture of the internet is not to be underestimated. After all, what are you doing right now?


Why the Worst Thing That Ever Happened to Me is the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me

April 15, 2008

I had a major stroke in Dec. 2004 at the age of 52.  I could, should have died or been severely impaired. Instead, I have all of my functioning intact except for occaisional glitches finding words.  It was truly a miracle. There were so many people praying for me.

It was the best thing that ever happened to me because:

1. Eventually they figured out that I had lupus, which caused the stroke, and I am now being closely monitored and treated.

2. My husband and I decided that it was time to stop putting off my life’s dreams because if you wait too long you may never realize them. So since my dream was to go into private practice (psychotherapy) with my daughter, we left a state we hated living in and moved  two states away to be near her to open the practice. Working with my daughter is one of the biggest joys of my life.

3. We then, most unexpectedly, bought a lovely, perfect for us weekend/retirement house around the corner from my sister (who found it for us). My only sister and I had always had a conflicted relationship. But after the stroke, and moving near her, she is now my dearest friend and I love her with all my heart. Actually, it wasn’t until the stroke that I understood how much she loved me.

4. I have reconnected with other dear friends who live in this area.

5. I learned the true character of the man that I love, which I’ve also learned you only really know when the chips are REALLY down.

6. I’ve learned to allow myself play time.  Doing something for the process, not the result. Enjoying being in the moment of creation. For me that is decoupage. Sometimes the products are lovely, sometimes not. Doesn’t matter! Also have allowed myself to read novels, which don’t teach me anything but which I thoroughly enjoy. I guess you could say basically I’m allowing myself to enjoy.

7. I’ve learned that it is really quite lovely to feel so nurtured and cared for by so many people in my life…that used to be my job…

I’m sure there is more, but you get the idea.  Enjoy your day! Well, actually that is one more. I’ve learned to enjoy every moment of work and play because I appreciate that I’m here to do so!

Blessings to all,


How Much do you Admire Your Partner?

April 14, 2008

On a scale of 0-10, what is your honest answer to this question?  Why?  If your answer is lower than you would like, why is that? And what is that about for you?

I would give my husband a 9/10 on the admiration scale because: he is brave, he is generous, he is loyal, he is nurturing, he is protective, he is romantic, he is very intelligent, he is giving, he is honest, he lives life on his own  terms, he is a doer rather than a reactor, he is a patient  problem solver, he is extremely masculine..and most of all, he has accepted my health losses as  our losses,  with courage and compassion…he’s the man I would choose to be if the gods played a trick on me and changed my gender….

Why not a 10/10?  Because no one is perfect!

The Memory Haves & the Memory Have Nots

April 11, 2008

I just read one of those great  articles that I wish I could say I wrote.  I didn’t. It was written by David Brooks and published in the New York Times. Very funny.  It is a real treat for boomers and anyone else starting to have memory issues. Here is an excerpt:

“Society is now riven between the memory haves and the memory have-nots. On the one side are these colossal Proustian memory bullies who get 1,800 pages of recollection out of a mere cookie-bite. They traipse around broadcasting their conspicuous displays of recall as if quoting Auden were the Hummer of conversational one-upmanship. On the other side are those of us suffering the normal effects of time, living in the hippocampically challenged community that is one step away from leaving the stove on all day.

This divide produces moments of social combat. Some vaguely familiar person will come up to you in the supermarket. “Stan, it’s so nice to see you!” The smug memory dropper can smell your nominal aphasia and is going to keep first-naming you until you are crushed into submission. “

You can find the full article at:

Psychscribe Quote # 29

April 11, 2008

“We are bound by our fate only as long as we accept the values that determine it.” Helen Deutsch

Psychscribe Quote #28

April 10, 2008

“An animal’s life is lived. A man lives his life.”

What Goes Up Must Come Down…

April 9, 2008

Well, I raised hell for two days and paid for it for three days – still, it was worth it. As the lupus Spoon Lady has already explained, we Lupies are allotted only a certain amount of spoons per day. We never know how many. Sometimes we can borrow from tomorrow’s spoons, but eventually we find our stash empty and need to sleep while new ones morph back into our bodies…

Medical Cannabis? YouTube

April 7, 2008

I personally agree with this doctor. What do you think?

From CannabisPatientNet

The Good Thing About Lupus Flares

April 4, 2008


                                                                                      (Artist Unknown)

As wretched as lupus flares are, once they pass you soooo appreciate feeling well! Today I have energy.  Today I will dust. Today I will go to the mall to try on dresses for my daughter’s wedding.  Tonight I will go out for dinner with my husband.  This day is a wonderful day.

Psychscribe Quote #27

April 3, 2008


“You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” Jesus Christ

Couples Clue Phone #5

April 2, 2008


Artist: Dante Gabriel Rosetti

I hate when I hear clients or professionals talking about having to “work at” a sexual relationship. That sounds about as exciting as cleaning the bathroom. Maintaining (or resurrecting) the sexual chemistry in a relationship is an art. Repeat: art. Its about flirting and seduction. 

I ask you, does this lovely lady look like she’s working?

I Would Be a Horse

April 1, 2008


                                                                       (Photographer Unknown)

If I had to be an animal for just one day, I would choose to be a horse. A beautiful, wild, untamed,strong horse running free out west somewhere with my herd. As I write that, I notice the theme of strength and freedom. This is me stopping to pray….What animal comes to mind for you? And what does it say about you?