Do you think its ok to outgrow friends?

I see  so many women in their 20’s and 30’s struggling with the time management of  careers, relationships, friends  and family. And so often when we look at their stress, it becomes apparent that they are spending  what little free time they do have with people  they no longer have anything in common except fond memories of the past. 

Often there is conflict between the friends. One may want more frequency in the time spent together.  Or they have chosen to follow very different paths in life and can no longer understand where the other is coming  from….or where she’s going…  And I can see that way too much negative energy is going into this relationship.

It reminds me of an old saying, or was it a song, that “its better to part while we’re still friends”.   I do believe that sometimes friends do need to break up, sometimes for a while, sometimes permanently…..  What do you think?


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6 Responses to “Do you think its ok to outgrow friends?”

  1. gem Says:

    The friends that I will mention on this comment are those who are very much near to my heart – my very closest friends

    I had them since I was high school. We had similar tastes but different personalities. But somehow, we still get to “play as a band” – well, we formed a great friendship and lasting memories with our friendship.

    Things began to be different when we get to choose our course in college. As we had discovered our differences already, we had decided to choose different paths. I took up engineering, while the others took up psychology, marketing and mass communication.

    However, it was really amazing that we still get to get together during the college days. We even had our own sets of college buddies, but my high school friends still stuck around.

    Now, getting out of college and entering work made our “meetings” less frequent. To add to this, some of us settled down and raised their own family. I began to spend less and less time, and more and more time for my own work and my own family.

    We still get together in rare occasions – during a wedding, a baptism or a holiday. Other than this, each one of us is on our own now.

  2. Nick (Conversational Hypnosis) Says:

    I don’t agree to it to any length whatsoever.

    I don’t see any point of imposing yourself or anybody or trying to talk and be with somebody if there is nothing to talk about. You might just start keeping some difference but there is nothing like putting an end to any friendship. What is the need to part up? If you two feel that have very little to share in common then just drift away, no need to say good bye or anything. That way when you meet or cross again you will meet with same passion and feeling.

  3. OrSoSheSaid Says:

    I have a close friend that I met in college. Now it’s been 10 years since we first met and our lives have taken us to different places. I’m married, have moved several states away and am thinking of starting a family. She’s a single strongly career oriented woman. On top of that our personalities are opposite. I like things to be neat and organized at all times but tend to get lost in the details when telling a story (and it could take me days to make a decision). You’d be lucky to find the floor in her bedroom from all the clothing and “stuff”, and when she is recounting something she likes to get straight to the point. When she is making a decision she does so quickly with just the facts, please hold the what-ifs.

    We don’t speak regularly, and her daily happenings are often so different from mine. I started to think maybe it would be better to just let the friendship go, but then one day we just kind of found our way back. We don’t have everything in common as it seemed we did as sorority girls freshman year in college, but we have history, we have mutual love and respect. She trusts me with things that are important in her life and she wants to hear what I think as I do with her.

    She’s taught me that I don’t have to fill each moment with words; sometimes it’s ok to just be silent. We can talk for 5 minutes or an hour and it could be 6 months or 3 years from the last time we met up, but it doesn’t mean we’re not friends.

    So I guess, in answer to your question, it depends on you and your friend. What worked for me was figuring out what I expected and wanted from the friendship. Friendships come in all shapes and sizes, and just like any relationship it’s bound to change over time. For me I had to come to the realization that the dynamics of our friendship were changing as we both grew up and into different places; and moreover that I was Ok with that, and that she is too because we both enjoy being a part of one another’s lives despite differences.

    This comment is running longer than I intended so I just quickly wanted to say that sometimes circumstances make it impossible to remain friends, as in a case where it’s unhealthy for one or both of the friends. In that case, maybe it’s better to move on.

    I would be interested to hear more from your perspective. What defines a healthy friendship and is it different for everyone?

  4. giannakali Says:

    my best friends have been my best friends from anywhere from 12 to 37 years. Some people stick.

    Others have come and gone—and some of those seemed very close for a time.

    I think the ones that are close—even as our lives change we have a root foundation that keeps us close. We may not see each other often but we share something very deep.

    Can I conceive of not being friends with them? Of out growing them? It’s hard to imagine that with the ones I’ve had for so many years. It is part of the foundation of our friendships that we accept each other as we grow and change and some of us have really gone through major changes.

    I’ve always felt incredibly lucky with the friends I have. I don’t live close to them anymore, but we talk on the phone a lot and when we see each other we pick up where we left off. There is no fighting or negative energy ever. Sometimes we see things differently and we are open and honest about it.

    I hope to make friends like these where I live now, but that has yet to happen.

  5. amberfireinus Says:

    I believe that people come into your life for a reason. They help teach you, and you teach them. There is a purpose. When that purpose is gone, they fade from your life as easily as they entered.

    Some relationships last a lifetime no matter what paths life takes either person. They are meant to be there forever.

    The main thing is cherishing the friendships that you have, appreciating them for what they are in that moment even when its time to let them go…

  6. psychscribe Says:

    orsoshesaid: you asked me how i define a healthy friendship? I think you said it perfectly: “Friendships come in all shapes and sizes, and just like any relationship it’s bound to change over time. For me I had to come to the realization that the dynamics of our friendship were changing as we both grew up and into different places; and moreover that I was Ok with that, and that she is too because we both enjoy being a part of one another’s lives despite differences. ”
    Mostly everyone here wrote of friendships surviving and thriving on time and change, which is great! The mutuality is the thing. If one friend wants more than another can give, that’s when sometimes people need to be honest with each other and say so. If agreement can’t be reached, and there are conflicts and guilt trips happening, that’s when I think it may be time to say good-bye…

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