How NOT to Have an Affair

When you’re starting to feel attracted to someone else, think but don’t act. Analyze what it is that you’re getting from this attraction or flirtation, then go home and ask your partner for it. Is it attention? Say it! Is it some fantasy of wild or unusual sex? Say it! Does this person boost your ego, make you feel special? Tell your partner that’s what you’re needing.  Do you want sex more frequently? Say it!

Then be prepared to listen. That’s right, listen. Find out what your partner needs and wants. Find out why your needs have not been met, and listen with an open mind. Listen to what your part of this disconnect has been.You might be surprised that you both want the very same things, and you’ll be saving yourself and your family from a lot of  grief and pain.


4 Responses to “How NOT to Have an Affair”

  1. khamisi Says:

    If only, you are right about this in so many ways, But what about the case when you do communicate and you do say but these are my needs and this is what’s wrong and please just hear me. And your partner not only ignores your pleas but does not say what his problems are with you, he’d rather go and scratch his itch elsewhere. How am I supposed to give him what he wants if he cannot tell me and expects me to read his mind. And when it all blows up he says but it’s your fault, you were suicidal etc etc. And I said but I told you, I talked to you, I asked you, long before I got that unhappy, but you never listen.

  2. psychcentral Says:

    This is excellent advice IF only people would take it. From my observation, by the time a person reaches the stage in which he is actually contemplating an affair, he isn’t really thinking straight anymore. Logical thinking has flown out the window, and emotion has taken up residence.

  3. psychscribe Says:

    khamisi: this post was meant for someone considering having an affair, not the hurt partner. In a case like yours, I always suggest couples counseling, or, if the partner won’t, then individual counseling for yourself.

    psychcentral: I agree with you about some people, the more impulsive ones. But there are plenty who agonize before they take the plunge, because they feel guilty. These are the people I hope my post would touch. Thanks for visiting!

  4. khamisi Says:

    Well I am considering another relationship, should have said that. But thank you for the advice and I apologize for getting it wrong.

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