Would You Stay if Your Partner Cheated? (Repeat Post)

* I’m sorry to run this again, but my previous post didn’t make it into any of the categories due to some bug that wordpress is working on correcting. So for those who didn’t see this, here it is again:

 Most people start off proclaiming: not me! No way! If my partner was willing to risk our relationship, that would tell me it didn’t mean very much. I could never feel the same.

Its a real hard hit to find out that life just is not black and white. Affairs are one of the most frequent crises that bring people to relationship therapy. The person who had the affair really doesn’t want the marriage or partnership to end, and neither does the person who was cheated on. They usually arrive feeling somewhat dazed, like they can’t believe they’re in my office despite their value systems. Despite their own behavior.

Would you stay? Have you stayed when you never thought you would?

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8 Responses to “Would You Stay if Your Partner Cheated? (Repeat Post)”

  1. yellow6347 Says:

    Staying depends on what the husband and wife want and are they willing to work through the healing process. You need to seek professional counceling and spiritual counceling to get a game plan established. Yes, I stayed and yes, I am glad I did. We are happier than ever, we enjoy life together, our four grandchildren are a blessing and God forgives. It can work if you are willing to forgive and go forward.

  2. khamisi Says:

    I stayed, when I wanted to leave several years ago he convinced me to stay. Then he threw the worst boomerang of all and this time, (20 years into the relationship) I could not just leave, many complicated circumstances, burnt bridges etc. I am absolutely miserable because he is now living with her in my house and I am the mistress living in exile in the crummy flat. I forgave him the initial “mistake” of forgiving before I knew all the facts and more importantly he had done anything to prove he deserved forgiveness, how stupid can I be?

  3. psychscribe Says:

    yellow6347: good for you! i am so glad it worked out for you!

    khamisi:I hate to hear you blaming yourself for many complicated circumstances and for the very human desire to forgive someone you love. Unfortunately he did not prove trustworthy. I hope you will make plans to move on from your pain soon and into a new life. Blessings to you. Psychscribe

  4. chipbroken Says:

    What is the solution if:
    I decided to stay, she is really willing and hepling with the healing process, I’ve been almost everywhere in the process… fortunately took the right decisions about knowing all the details and she was more than honest, she described me everything I asked for and more, so I stop my imagination to go to things that never really happened.
    We are far away at this point, so the phisical closure hasn’t happen yet but in 6 days when she’ll fly to me. I’m still worried how should we proceed, we feel a huge desire to make love like being the first time, but I’m afraid not to look at her and say: yes, you did this with him too… I’m so afraid…
    But, the solution I’m looking for is for the mental sickness I’ve token by myself, wanting to know the details, so I now see them evrywhere as it happened, I dream only about this every night, I wake up distroyed and start over…
    She is my only confident right now so I tell her everything about what it happens to me and she suffers as much as I do coz she feels high and clean and ready to love and respect me the way I deserve, then I tell her about my dreams and fears and she rememorize what she’d done and feels miserable, she wanted to commit suicide several times, that’s how bad she feels for what she did.
    So I need a solution to erase my memories about this event/person and everything related. Or diminish it to something insignifiant. And she wants to do the same. Is there a solution for this? Maybe Hipno-therapy? Or are we cursed to live this way forever? Coz I’ll get sick of not sleeping and heart hurts… and eventually die or move out from this marriage that we really worked very hard on and never find something like what we’ve had again.
    Please tell me that there is a solution! Even if won’t go for it, I’d feel better to know there is an ultimate solution (now don’t lie to me just to make me feel better…)
    Thank you!

  5. psychscribe Says:

    Dear chipbroken, I’m so sorry to hear the pain that you and your wife are in. I urge you to get marriage counseling ASAP because you both CAN heal. I think the best is Imago Therapy. You can find Imago therapists by location if you go to http://www.gettingtheloveyouwant.com.
    Warm blessings to you.

  6. chipbroken Says:

    Thank you very much, I’ll look into it for the next fea hours/dyas. I hope is a good approach…
    Keep it up Scribe, keep it up!

  7. chipbroken Says:

    Well, after reading all there, I must say it’s not suitable for my/our issues.
    Our relationship is still very strong and magnificaent. The only problem I need help to solve by a specialist is the MEMORY. I want to diminish the probability of thoughts coming back, both to my mind (including dreams) as well as her mind. She says she hates him, she’s sick about what happened when she thinks about it, she hates herself for being so weak and sinny.
    We work on this though so hopefully both regain the self-confidence and trust, as LOVE is still there, maybe stronger than ever.
    But from a mental point of view, I wanna make sure those memories won’t hurt us after let’s say a few years, by flashes that right now take our breath away…
    So, is hipno-therapy a solution?

    PS1: the good news is that broken-heart symptom seems to have been overcome, which is the best thing, I guess. We will meet again face-to-face in 2 days, then we’ll know a lot more about how we really feel and ways ahead. I hope our senses will get al the pain melt down and that love’s magnets will enrich our positive approach to a new brighter future. God help!
    PS2: anyway, the country I reside in has no Imago support/resources.

    Thank you again, at least for listening… 🙂
    All the best!

  8. psychscribe Says:

    chipbroken, the other thing you can look up is EMDR therapy. Its specifically for traumatic memories.
    Luck!

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