Are you NOT on speaking terms with a sibling?

In so many families the kids polarize, right into adulthood. They cut each other off and let the childhood dynamics ruin the present and the future.  It affects everyone, because where once there was a sibling  (and aunt, uncle, cousins, etc.) now there is a ghost. 

What do the children learn from this? To solve problem relationships in the same way. Is that what we want for our kids?  The important thing to remember is the old adage: let bygones be bygones. Because once your parents are gone your sibling is the only person who lived, and survived,  your history with you.


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3 Responses to “Are you NOT on speaking terms with a sibling?”

  1. justordinary Says:

    I have siblings that I don’t talk often with. It isn’t that we are at odds. We just have busy lives and children to raise.

    However I do have family I refuse to talk with…that is a different story. They are not siblings, they are just assholes. LOL

  2. Mary Ball Says:

    I had a mother who intermittently would not talk to us. Now, although my siblings thought it was ridiculous – they are now engaging in the same behavior either with me or between each other. It is hurtful and punitive. I don’t understand it. I’m the kind of person that if someone steps on my toes I say ouch. I let them know I’m hurt and we work to resolve it.

    I don’t understand “not talking”. It is simply a way to punish each other and it is arrogant and childish and solves nothing.

    Why are they (all but one) not talking to me? I guess because I don’t hold back and don’t get involved with family secrets. I hate secrets and I’m too old to keep them anyway. I just can’t keep track of what I’m allowed and not allowed to say. I used to be good at this and often would find that some secret I was holding turned out to be something everyone else knew anyway. I was the only one “not telling”. Imagine my surprise when I would find out the secret was out.

    I will say that if I were to seriously need them, they’d be there as I always would be for them no matter what. I guess I just have to wait for them to grow up and realize life is too short for this.
    I’m the oldest of six. The two oldest talk to everyone (unless they are not being talked to) but the rest are all either not talking to each other or not talking to us. Isn’t it just silly and non-productive?

  3. psychscribe Says:

    justordinary- thanks for your reply- i’ve been out of the loop for awhile and am just catching up on my mail – also thanks for the chuckle!

    Mary, you sound like a very healthy person to me. Its difficult to go against the flow and and break the painful “family rules”. Good for you, and you go girl!

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