How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship

Several years ago Pat Love Ed.D. and Sunny Shulkin Ph.D., two Imago trainers and therapists, published a book titled How to Ruin a Perfectly Good RelationshipBelow is part of their list of some behaviors they identify which can, indeed, ruin a relationship:

  • Control everything and everyone
  • Never take the blame yourself; instead, make your partner wrong
  • Make it a habit to spend more money than you have
  • Win every fight, even the ones you couldn’t care less about
  • Keep score
  • Use threat often
  • Find your partner’s weak spot and use it against him/her
  • When your partner tries to please you, find fault with their efforts
  • Hold fast to the belief: “If you loved me you would know what I want”
  • Demand your partner remain faithful but refuse to meet his or her sexual needs
  • Use silence as a weapon
  • Pretend that you don’t hear
  • When your partner tries to apologize, bring up more complaints
  • Refuse to give information
  • When you realize you haven’t given your partner some important info, insist that you did
  • Claim to be the only one interested in the relationship
  • Never ask for help
  • Confide only in friends
  • Take it personally when your partner wants time alone
  • Discount your partner’s physical complaints
  • Give advice where it isn’t welcome
  • Never pick up after yourself
  • Refuse to seek help for your depression
  • Refuse to talk
  • Focus on changing your partner
  • Focus all your needs on sex
  • Take all problems as further proof that the relationship will not work
  • Put your friends before your partner
  • Keep romantic gestures to a minimum
  • Focus on your partner’s faults and deny your own
  • Let days go by without a kind word or loving gesture
  • Practice verbal abuse
  • Do not listen to your partner’s ideas or suggestions
  • Ask your partner to share feelings and when s/he does, EXPLODE
  • Start conversations when your partner is busy, or better yet, exhausted
  • Let disagreements fester
  • Say what you think your partner wants to hear, then do as you please

What do you think? Do you find yourself here?


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6 Responses to “How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship”

  1. Michael Says:

    What a list! I am not sure if your being comical or serious although there are a lot of entries that do ring true. Any more for the list?

  2. wpm1955 Says:

    A good list for everyone to think about.

    Madame Monet

  3. Garrick Says:

    This is a really good list. I use it with my own clients from time to time. I enjoy your blog. Thanks for the thought-provoking posts.

  4. psychscribe Says:

    Yes Michael, it is serious. . You’d be surprised how many realtionships have many, if not most of these behaviors …I didn’t write these, I quoted another author, but I think she used humor to drive these truths home
    Madame Monet, and Garric, thank you very much for your kind comments.

  5. Dr. Gonzo Says:

    Here is another good one that is sure to work: entice your partner to have sex, then immediately afterwards start whining about money issues or some other sensitive issue that you know is a sore spot for him or her

    ABSOLUTELY 🙂 Thanks for visiting!

  6. Cat Says:

    Wow great list!! Love it !!! x

    Thanks Cat, and welcome to my blog!

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