Partners as Mind Readers ???

Well, I’m here to tell you that’s not going to  happen. Though it’s amazing how many people expect mindreading in a relationship. Particularly women. See, we women think we can read our partner’s minds, and can’t understand why its not reciprocated.

The good news is, obviously, that no one can read anyone’s mind. That’s not communicating, that’s  very wishful, and not very helpful, thinking.

Example of woman thinking she’s mindreading: Husband is watching tv.  Gorgeous, sexy female appears on screen. Wife mistakenly mindreads,aloud: “You’re thinking about how much prettier she is than me, aren’t you? You’re thinking you’d really like to have sex with her, admit it! If you COULD have one time out on our commitment, you’d be with her, wouldn’t you?”

 Now, the poor guy was really wondering if tonight is a green light with his wife  but now he doesn’t go for it because he is too busy denying her accusations.   She gets mad at him for “lying” to her, and now he doesn’t dare come on to her because he’s already insulted her  (he has no clue why) when really she wants him to mindread that she wants him to come on to her….. but has chosen a less than effective way of communicating this to him…

Better would be: Honey, I feel so insecure when I see those gorgeous women on tv. Do you still want me like you used to? I guarantee you’ll both get what you want with this straightforward approach!

Example of male mindreading: The man gets into bed and, figuring the bed is a mating mat even though he’s been advised hundreds of time to the contrary, mindreads that she really wants him tonight and is just too shy to come right out and say it (see above). He jumps her bones and either gets shoved off or she plays dead through the whole thing (admit it, women: for spite).

Better: subtle communication works best here. Offer a back rub, or a foot rubScience Articles, and very slowly work your way to the desired destination. Give her some time to enjoy the relaxation and get in the mood. Minimal communication would be: does that feel good? Telling her why you love her or her specific physical attributes communicates that you still think she’s hot.

Don’t expect her to mindread how sexy you think she is. We never get tired of hearing it.

 

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5 Responses to “Partners as Mind Readers ???”

  1. Miki Says:

    What a delight this entry, Maggie! You have such a wonderful, funny way to tell some sad truths… My brain and my heart enjoy your words… I even read it to my wonderful partner, and we laughed (and agreed) a lot together, and he said:
    “No wonder that you get on so good with her!”

  2. kevmoore Says:

    Hi Maggie, What an insightful post! In fact, I really love the clear thinking in your pages, such a refreshing change to the usual psychobabble which would normally turn me away. Your last line “We never get tired of hearing it” Is something men, particularly, fall down on consistently. Miki and I really take time to make sure we tell each other how we really feel, many, many times a day. Miki in particular, if she feels we are sailing into dangerous waters in any way, always flags the problem immediately. I used to react badly to this, but came to realise that she was only caring for the relationship. This works wonderfully for us. It means we never, ever run aground to the point where we have a really massive problem. Things are dealt with quickly and easily, and we constantly reiterate our feelings for each other. I think, too, that it helps that we met relatively late in life, and my god, do we appreciate each other after our collective previous disasters!

  3. psychscribe Says:

    How nice to hear from both of you, Miki and Kev! You sound like you have a wonderful relationship. My husband and I also flag problems immediaely. That way we’ll never have to repeat OUR previous disasters 🙂
    Yes Miki, we do get on well. From your posts I feel a lovely connection. I do want to participate in Cafe Crem, but things have been hectic here. (Also why I did’t do anything about the meme, sorry…) Hope to contribute something before the weekend is over.

  4. Miki Says:

    Yes, we do have a wonderful relationship, I am everyday immensely thanksful for it, thanksful to fate, which made us meet, thankful to Kevin, who is an angel to me, and thankful to myself too, for having the will and the strength and the love to care for us (here we are again with self-esteem!!!).
    And don´t worry at all about Café Crem, take all the time you need! By the way we have started Christmas there, nice Christmas decoration is already hanging around, and I hope you´ll try too to win the big chocolate prize!

  5. Bill Howdle Says:

    Mind reading is a skill I have definitely never mastered. Open straight forward communication is the only real answer. There is another point to this whole issue, I think you ladies give us guys, way to much credit when it comes to the thinking department. My wife will on occasion see me apparently deep in thought. Such deep thought seems to indicate, it is something of a very deep or serious nature. She will at times ask, as to what has me so deep in thought. She is so often surprised when I tell her of what it is. Not deep at all but usually something such as: “I wonder if there is enough gas in the lawn mower to cut the lawn”. Ahh, usually, such deep thinkers we are not.

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